A Hunter Shoots a Bear

My friend Dan sent me this very cool viral ad on Youtube.

When you click one of the buttons at the end of the video, it becomes an interactive feature where you control what happens with the bear!

NSFW. A hunter shoots a bear!

It's kind of a weird product to be promoting, though.
I guess there's still a market for eraser tape in the digital age.

I typed in "tickled" first, then "nuked"- which got the error video.

Some other words I entered were "wrestled, punched, screwed, ate, kissed, shaved, erased," and many more. The amount of segments they shot for this is pretty impressive.

Man vs. Wild

There are not many TV shows I watch religiously... The Daily Show, Colbert Report, The Simpsons, South Park, and a couple others.

I like the programming on the Discovery channel, but there is one show that I have become a big fan of - "Man vs. Wild". It is basically a show where a former British special forces soldier is dropped of in some extreme location & has to survive to find civilization. I had no idea that the host's name is Bear Grylls, but it just makes him that much more awesome.

Youtube: Man vs. Wild

Hmmm, am I in the mood for elephant dung, or my own urine?.....

Natural Terror

Great White sharks top my list of the most fearsome creatures.

Crazy people who dive with these monsters to show their "docile" side don't ease the horror caused by seeing one. I've always loved the ocean and boats, but the idea of a huge fish with razor teeth is enough to prevent me from feeling completely at ease.

This past Sunday I was watching 2 shows that centered around sharks. "Science of Survival" was about staying alive at sea on a life raft. Of course, sharks were a problem that was addressed. It was hosted by Les Stroud. His other show, "Survivorman", is another one of my favorites. Although Bear Grylls is wackier & more animated on "Man vs. Wild", I don't think he's as informative.

The other show was what I think was another episode of "I Shouldn't be Alive" & told the nightmarish story of a shipwreck where the crew were stranded on a rubber dinghy w/ no supplies whatsoever. A couple of the guys drank seawater out of desperation & went crazy. They jumped into shark-infested water & the survivors explained how they felt the frenzy of sharks striking the victim right underneath their raft! That thought alone is horrifying, but they had a reenactment showing the whole scene & the bottom of the boat violently bouncing under the survivors. It almost made me want to never go on a raft again.

As I went looking for cool pictures of Great Whites online after watching these shows, I found a doozy. This has to be one of the absolute scariest pictures I've ever seen... The fact that you can barely make out the creature rising from the deep to attack makes it all the more terrifying.

Here's the link to the Flickr set I saw it in:

Flickr: "Wildlife and Nature"

My Birthday Wish

I am a man of few wants.

Simply being alive & having a creative career are blessings enough for me.

However, for my birthday there is something so extra-specially cool that anyone would be a fool not to want it. It caught my eye on an outrageous rap album cover I saw on the Chive.

What unattainable treasure could I possibly be wishing for?
.
.
.
.
.
.

That treasure would be - my own gangsta bear posse who could roll w/ me & always supply me with fresh fruit, cognac & fine cigars.

Ballin!!!

Ahhhhhhh, a man can dream, right?

Hulk vs. Bear

Besides the 'political endorsement' edited onto the end,
this is a hilarious bit of video from The Incredible Hulk, a show that I used to love as a kid.

Watching clips from these old shows makes me realize how much our culture's sensibilities have been refined in the span of decades. That, of course, may be debatable given some of the current content on TV & other media .

My brother is a Marvel Comics nut & since my sorry ass still has PS2, he lent me the awesome game Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, & that is more believable than this segment.

This is so ridiculous I had to link it after seeing it on iambored.com.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Stephen Colbert Eats an Ewok

I haven't had a chance to post anything lately, but I saw this a few nights ago & got a laugh out of it.

The Colbert Report:
"A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok"

Star Wars is my all-time favorite movie series, but the primitive teddy bears called 'Ewoks' were one of George Lucas's very transparent toy-marketing ploys.

Therefore, I found it very amusing when Stephen Colbert decided to 'eat an Ewok'. Having eaten bear meat before, I can imagine one of the furry inhabitants of Endor's Green Moon might taste similar.

Despite their cuteness & their heroic role in crippling the Galactic Empire, I would probably have to try a juicy Ewok steak if it was placed in front of me...

Uncle Paulie!!!

Maybe it's because I'm so full of personality, :D but people have given me alot of nicknames over the years: The Monkey Buddha, Paulie Platinum, Paul Mic, Paul Wall, Paulie Walnuts, Mr. Amnesia, P-Diddy, Crazy Legs Pauley, Mr. Sleepy Guy, Paulie Pretzel Bites, etc.

My favorite nicknames so far are 'Uncle Paulie', which started with my cousins & friends who are a little younger than me, & 'Uncle Paul Michael' which is what my cousin's little kids call me to differentiate me from my Dad.

Yesterday I officially became an uncle! My sister Mandi had a healthy 9lb 5oz baby boy, Greg III. I told Greg that I'm going to try to make his first word 'Dude' which is like a code-word with the guys in my family. He was all for it. Mandi just shook her head & laughed. I was holding the baby & softly chanting "duuuuuude". When my brother Justin showed up after rushing up from a job in DC, he held him & sang "Rock-a-Bye Baby" but replaced all the words with 'Dude'. My family is funny & crazy, and 'the littlest dude' is in for quite an experience.

It is amazing to look at a new life and think about all the things he will see. The night before my sister went into the hospital, we were sitting around the table at my parents' house joking that 70 years from now, Greg ^3 will be sitting in a hover-car telling HIS grandkids how he was born during the 21st Century Depression.

My brother-in-law wanted to bring his son home wrapped in the hide of a bear he shot up in Maine, but my sister is having none of that. I think they compromised on a cowboy outfit. Anyway, it is my parents' first grandchild & a special day for all of us.

My sister will probably hate me for posting a picture of her - but it's much, much too happy of a moment to not express.

Greg, Mandi w/ Lil' Greg, Me

Uncle Paul Michael w/ Baby Greg

Uncle Justin w/ Greg

Future of Food: Cultured Meat

I've started a series exploring the possibilities facing one of the most necessary aspects of our survival as individuals & as a species. How are we going to product nutrition for coming generations?

The Monkey Buddha Archives:

Future of Food

One of the most important developments in food technology is one that I haven't posted about yet, but think about a lot. This is the technique of producing muscle cells & tissue without a living animal, known as cultured or lab-grown meat.

This is an approach that has the potential to solve a number of our current ethical, environmental, and logistical problems with eating the meat from the flesh of a living creature. It could be more efficient, more sanitary, and environmentally-friendly than current methods of raising animals for meat. Of the utmost ethical & spiritual importance is the fact that the process does not inflict suffering on a sentient creature.

"When a man has pity 

on all living creatures, 

only then is he noble" 

- Buddha

Despite my personal recognition of the moral concerns with the consumption of meat, I still love it and don't plan to give it up. I eat fish & chicken regularly, enjoy beef, and even have ground bear meat in my freezer from a hunt my brother-in-law went on, that I'm going to use to make chili. However, if there were were more widespread availability of in vitro meat, I would definitely prefer that option.

Although it is currently prohibitively expensive for large-scale production of lab meat ($18,000 per pound!), this cost will drop sharply as the industry advances & expands.

The last major announcement in this area was the announcement of the first lab-made burger in 2013.

Gizmodo:

The Future Will Be Full of Lab Grown Meat

Here are a couple articles I've seen recently on the topic. They were spurred by the announcement of the first lab-cultured meatball, by startup company Memphis Meats.

Huffington Post:

'World's First' Lab-Grown Meatball 

Looks Pretty Damn Tasty

 

IFLScience.com:

Lab-Grown Meat Will Be On The Market Within Five Years, 

Says Biotech StartUp

I like this quote by one of the founders that expresses the desire for progress that accompanies any invention, especially one with potentially world-changing consequences:

“We plan to do to the meat industry 

what the car did to the horse and buggy.

Cultured meat will completely replace the status quo 

and make raising animals to eat them simply unthinkable.”

-Uma Valeti, CEO of Memphis Meats

Documenting the Horror of War

While randomly browsing the web, I came across this article by the author of Afterwar: Veterans From a World in Conflict.

OpEdNews
"The Pictures of War
You Aren't Supposed to See"

Reading through the available excerpts definitely didn't help my natural cynicism regarding the brutal realities of human existence. Death & suffering are universal human problems that are exponentially increased through the business of War.

Afterwar:
Veterans From a World in Conflict

People are inherently neither 'good' nor 'evil', both of which are completely subjective judgments exclusive to the human mind. Therefore, I try to maintain a sense of neutrality about the countless events going on in the world. However, the scale of human suffering & death inflicted by fellow humans throughout history can be nauseating to consider. Seeing images or reading gut-wrenching accounts of the products of war - slaughtered children, raped women, & mutilated men- is unspeakably painful and terrible. Understanding that these horrors exist is necessary, though, to keep a realistic perspective about the complex world in which we live.

Warning!:
These links are graphic & f*cking horrible,
but should be seen on every nightly newscast
until people are completely sick of War

Iraq War Images Uncensored

Iraq War Casualty Pictures

Unfortunately, we must bear witness to & attempt to sublimate the worst in mankind if we are to try to embody the higher ideals that the wiser among us aspire to. Fully realizing these countless tragedies of human experience should be frightening. They make us see that life is constant suffering that can never be fully overcome. Despite this, we can take solace in the fact that people will always continue to work for positive change to alleviate even a little of that suffering.

The unthinkable atrocities committed around the world each day by people of every nation are also a startlingly clear indication that the idea of a loving paternal deity, "God the Father"/"Yahweh" (as well as evil incarnate, like a Devil) are fantasies that are like a safety blanket covering our eyes from the truth. What truth?...

The Absolute Truth is... that there is No Absolute Truth.

However, a 'relative truth' is that we have nothing to rely on- except ourselves and each other. Life in this physical realm will always be chaotic, sometimes good & sometimes bad, but ultimately 'meaning'-less in the cosmic scheme of things. I am not a total nihilist by any means, but I've come to be able to hold any number of simultaneously contradictory views in my mind.

For instance, I believe human life is an infinitely precious phenomenon that should be treasured... but life also has no abstract "purpose" other than to exist, so a human being dying is ultimately no different than an ant dying. Some people would say that these two views can't co-exist, but it is simply the way things are.

Despite all my existential bullshit, I am a very empathetic person, so the idea of war & vast human suffering deeply disturbs me. No matter how much of a jaded realist I become, the idea of barbaric violence among people will always cause profound sorrow.

Watching President Obama escalate America's offensive (either meaning of the word is appropriate) military actions has been hard for alot of people because now he, like George W. Bush, is a mass-murderer by proxy. Strong words, yeah, but it's not un-true. I voted for him & think he's dealing with alot of harsh realities. This escalation is antithetical to the beliefs of most people who supported his candidacy on the principle of reversing our aggressive militarism.

I've stated before that I, like any sane person, accept the realistic need for a military to defend the country. Many of my good friends are in the military & the actions of the individual soldier is not my issue. My concern is the overall objectives that these soldiers are dutifully following.

To the country we are occupying, every drone or bomb that takes out a village or innocent children 'by mistake' is a unnecessary murder by The President, the military, & the country as a collective. This may sound anti-American & outrageously unpatriotic... but only to an ignorant jackass with no conscious.

I am not a moral coward & I'm not afraid to look critically at my relatively tiny role either. The reason that our destructive Imperial Oil Wars conducted deceptively in the name of fighting 'terrorism' disturbs me so much is that I don't try to deny that I'm responsible, as well. A bit of my tax dollars go toward every Afghan or Iraqi civilian that is killed by our forces.

Sure, there are degrees of separation between my tax revenue & the acceptable 'collateral damage' of someone in a foreign land, but I do not accept that conceptual convenience. If I do not accept and internalize my role in the causality of inevitable needless death that I pay into, no matter how small, then I might as well be turning my eyes away while pulling the trigger myself. Some might say this is unnecessary worrying over issues way beyond my control. I say it is the ultimate expression of the social conscious that my parents raised me to cultivate & that my sense of compassion forces me to confront.

That is also why I feel compelled to express my thoughts like I am doing now.

I only wish that I could do much, much more
to make the world chill the hell out.

Crazy Cold

It's freezing out where I live. The snow from the most recent winter storm has finally melted, but today was super-frigid & windy.

I really hate the cold. I truly enjoy the summer when I can lounge around in the warm weather, wearing shorts...

Anyway, seeing this video of a human polar bear linked on a couple different sites made me realize there are things much worse than climbing a 1700 ft tower.

My body core temperature is dropping rapidly just watching this Norwegian maniac:

On thin sea ice), Sandefjord in Norway

Amen to The Daily Show Choir

"Humor is reason gone mad. "
-Groucho Marx

Fox News is much too 'right'-leaning for my tastes, especially the opinion shows. I can watch some of the objective news reports, but the rabid 'conservatism' of entertainers like Hannity & Glenn Beck doesn't jive at all w/ my worldview. Those 2 boneheads make Bill O'Reilly seem like a supreme voice of reason nowadays. Of course, 'Papa Bear' is still as full of it as the rest of Fox News.

MSNBC, of course, has the opposing liberal lineup of opinion talk show hosts. I feel- in my totally fair & balanced opinion- that they tend to be more empirical and forward-thinking in their viewpoints. What can I say... I prefer rationality to visceral emotional response. That said, all news opinion shows are subject to hyperbole & general ridiculousness.

Most people getting their news from more varied objective sources find a lot of Fox News programming to be more objectionable than objective. Sometimes it's just a waste of breath to try to engage the craziness, though. That's when Jon Stewart speaks for the socially conscious yet irreverent among us when he suggests, "Go F*ck Yourself" to the unreasonable regressive mindset of right-wing political ideologues & talking heads.

One of those idiotic talking heads, Bernie Goldberg, figured he'd try to get some publicity by taking some jabs at Jon Stewart & his audience on O'Reilly's show, despite proof that Daily Show viewers (like myself) are predictably less ignorant than the average Fox News acolyte.

PEW SURVEY:
Daily Show/Colbert Viewers Most Knowledgeable,
Fox News Viewers Rank Lowest

Of course The Daily Show stepped back up to deliver the knockout blow to poor Bernie in a segment that was a close 2nd to the Jon Stewart's legendary "Conservative Libertarian" monologue mocking Glenn Beck.

When you have a America's most influential social humorist singing a chorus of "Go F*ck Yourself" this time backed up with a gospel choir, the exchange is over... & you (meaning Fox News & Bernie Goldberg) have lost.

The power of absurdity & mockery is supreme...

The Daily Show:
April 20, 2010: Bernie Goldberg Fires Back

Deep Thoughts

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy was one of my favorite SNL skits.

Here are some great Deep Thoughts I found here...

"I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history,
in every culture, is the story of Popeye."

"To me, clowns aren't funny.
In fact, they're kind of scary.
I've wondered where this started
and I think it goes back to the time
I went to the circus,
and a clown killed my dad."

"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.
After school we'd all go play in his cave,
and every once in a while he would eat one of us.
It wasn't until later that I found out
that Uncle Caveman was a bear."

"I wish a robot would get elected president.
That way, when he came to town,
we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad."

" If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer,
I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose."

"When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future,
don't stick your elbow out the window,
or it'll turn into a fossil."

"Maybe in order to understand mankind,
we have to look at the word itself:
"Mankind"
Basically, it's made up of two separate words
- "mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean?
It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

...Damn, just found more "Deep Thoughts"!