Let's Grow Brandon!!!

I was inspired to create this graphic by the announcement that President Biden is pardoning federal marijuana convictions, & also directing agencies to review the absolutely absurd Schedule I status of the plant.

I added it to my online shop, too:

The Monkey Buddha Bazaar:
*** Let's Grow Brandon!!! ***
(Click for Products)

The fact that this relatively harmless psychoactive plant has been an illegal Schedule I drug for so long has created a human rights catastrophe in the United States & the rest of the world, following suit. Cannabis has been used as a medicine & mind-expanding catalyst since before recorded history. Yet, in the last century, society was brainwashed to believe it was bad, despite it's ancient legacy as a healing tool.

National Library of Medicine:
History of cannabis and the endocannabinoid system


I'm not going to get into the long, sordid history of marijuana criminalization, but it is bullshit that so many people's lives have been ruined by the government, law enforcement, and our "justice" system outlawing a plant that simply makes you feel good & alters your consciousness, usually in a positive way. Of course that is exactly why it was made illegal...

In modern times, special interests like pharmaceutical companies & private prisons have been the biggest opponents of legalization (for obvious reasons). However, the majority of Americans, around 3/4, want to end the nonsensical "War On Drugs," specifically on Cannabis.

States are continually dismantling the tenets of the drug war as decriminalization & legalization happens around the country. Being able to buy some nice bud at a dispensary is a pretty liberating feeling, after having to feel like it's this illicit thing for so long. It's only a matter of time when everyone just says, "Enough!" and stops this ridiculous crusade that has needlessly destroyed so many people's lives, worse than the plant itself ever could.

I saw the news, and thought this would be a good play on the dumb "Let's Go Brandon!" meme that has been cracking up conservatives for a year, while everyone else just kind of shakes their head in pity. :(

This is my way to encourage Biden, the government, & society as a whole to change it's perspective on drug laws, specifically regarding Cannabis. Really, Republicans seriously fucked up by not adopting decriminalization first, as a "personal freedom" issue that would appeal to more progressive people, too. However, their perpetual circle-jerk of contrived morality & religiosity would never promote something that brings people actual pleasure and comfort. To be fair, I have been reading conservative forums & comments that agree with this action, even if they don't like Dank Brandon himself.

Anyway, I was not a big Biden fan either, & saw him as a pretty typical politician. He seemed like a fairly normal human being- which was the main qualification against a total scumbag of a human being like Donald Trump. Yeah, I know about Creepy Joe, and it totally sucks that we have to choose between two people like this. Even though I figured Biden would just be maintaining the status quo, I think he's at least trying to address the major issues the country faces, somewhat successfully. Taking an honest look at the drug laws in this country & reforming them would be a huge accomplishment.

So, let's hope that positive social change continues, and as a society we can address these festering issues that are infecting our society - drug laws, health insurance, student loans, incarceration, wealth disparity, corporate power... and the root of it all - money influencing politics. 

If we don't ultimately deal with the corruption caused by money influencing political decisions, then all efforts to make any other meaningful change will go up in smoke.

Movie Review: Marvel Infinity War

 

Last night my brother had dinner & movie night at his house. Some of my family watched the Marvel Studios epic, "Infinity War".

It has already been out for awhile, so I've already seen a lot of the hype & memes that this movie has generated. Since the "Infinity Gauntlet" was one of my favorite comic book series as a kid, this film had a lot to live up to, especially considering how critical I am when it comes to movies.

The feat Marvel pulled off is pretty amazing- having many character-based superhero movies thread together & culminate in a blockbuster that ties them all together. DC tried to rush through a similar approach, but did it in a hurried manner that had nowhere near the depth that has been developed in the Marvel Universe.

Some of the casting for the superhero roles is phenomenal: Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, aka. Iron Man, might be the most perfect casting ever. Also, Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Chris Evans as Capt. America, Benedict Cumberpatch as Dr. Strange, etc. are all great choices of actors. Josh Brolin's CGI-assisted portrayal of the villain Thanos was good enough to make me forget that I was watching a motion-capture animation.

Speaking of Thanos, I think he was portrayed pretty well. My biggest complaints are superficial and more fundamental to the story. First of all, I hate the bald-headed, helmet-less Thanos. They should have saved that for the end, when he becomes a farmer or recluse or whatever, like in the comic. The armored Thanos is so much more awesome looking, I can't believe they changed his look for this movie. Especially when they had the armor in his previous cameos in the previous movies. Second of all, I didn't like how they omitted Thanos's obsession with Death, whose female manifestation is a grim reaper-like skull in a robe. The unhealthy desire Thanos had for Death and his effort to please her were the driving force for his mission to kill off 1/2 of the sentient life in the universe. The fact that this element was left out of the story is crazy to me, it defines everything about the comic book character, including the name "Thanos," from the Greek personification of death, Thanatos. You know what, there's a 3rd big criticism I have... and it's that they made the supposed "Mad Titan" into too much of a sympathetic character. He was pretty brutal in the movie at times, but he didn't have the same level of madness and aura of unhinged cosmic terror as the comic version of the character.

I think the special effects and visuals were awesome. Marvel has really developed the sense of a multiverse of worlds & locations, as well as a convincing yet amazing portrayal of the powers these beings wield. The Infinity Stones housed within Thanos gauntlet allow him to control all aspects of the universe- Reality, Time, Space, Power, Mind, and Soul. The problem I had with this plot device, even in the comic book version, is that it basically makes the user an omnipotent being who should not fall for the tricks or make the mistakes that Thanos does. It's almost impossible to write any kind of plausible scenarios for this kind of god-like power, but hey, it's just a fun fictional idea I guess. I get way too nitpicky about this stuff!

Anyway, despite my few criticisms, I think Infinity War and the entire arc of Marvel movies was done extremely well. It was a fun, exciting movie to watch, and to see all these iconic characters come together in ways that made sense and were integral to the story was impressive.

I'd definitely recommend it, especially to any superhero or comic book fans.

• The Monkey Buddha's Official Rating: 9 out of 10

"Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" Review

This weekend I went to see "Rogue One," the first "Star Wars Story" movie that lies outside the main Episodic Trilogies.

Although I tried to avoid spoilers as the release date got closer, I knew that this movie dealt with the lead-up to the original Star Wars film (now known as "Episode IV: A New Hope"). Specifically, it told the story of the Rebel spies who stole the plans for the Galactic Empire's planet-destroying superweapon, The Death Star.

In the beginning of "A New Hope", Princess Leia is introduced trying to take the stolen plans to the Rebellion while trying to find one of the last Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Her ship is intercepted by the Emperor's enforcer, Darth Vader, but the plans manage to reach Obi-Wan after Leia sends them off with the droids, R2-D2 & C-3PO. The farmboy Luke Skywalker gets caught up in the situation & eventually ends up taking down the Death Star thanks to the stolen plans & his connection to The Force, a mystical field of energy that surrounds all living things.

This is the now-familiar scenario that "Rogue One" leads into by the end of the movie, and it does so seamlessly.

•  Here is my spoiler-free review of the movie:

It was a great movie, with everything a Star War fan could possibly ask for in telling this particular story. Despite the regular presence of battles and conflict in the series, this was more of a war movie than any other Star Wars film to date. It focused on the harsh realities and unforgiving nature of battle, while also showing the power of hope combined with the determination to fight for a just cause. As opposed to the storylines of the Skywalkers and Force-wielding Jedi, this movie focused on the experiences of "ordinary" rebel soldiers.

One interesting thing that "Rogue One" accomplished was to gray the area between "good" and "bad". This was especially true regarding some of the tactics of the Rebels. From the point of view of The Empire and its sympathizers, the Rebel Alliance would be considered terrorists- willing to carry out sabotage, assassination, and killing on a large scale to meet its ends. Of course, the Rebel view would be that drastic measures need to be taken in order to free the galaxy from an oppressive military dictatorship. In this movie, you definitely get to witness the oppressive nature of The Empire, through forced labor camps, invasive planetary occupation, and the willingness to commit genocide to maintain fear and order in the galaxy. It's easy to sympathize with the plight of the Rebellion and the people who want to escape the iron grip of The Emperor.

The main protagonist was Jyn Erso, the daughter of reluctant Imperial engineer Galen Erso. Galen is a brilliant scientist was coerced into working on the beam weapon of The Death Star. He is responsible for covertly integrating a flaw into the design that would later be exploited by the Rebels, once they had acquired the detailed plans of the battle station. After Galen was separated from his family, Jyn was raised by the isolated Rebel extremist, Saw Gerrara. Like other women in the Star Wars universe, Jyn is tough, independent, smart, and able to hold her own in the face of seemingly impossible odds.

The supporting characters were diverse and came together to form a ragtag, but dedicated, team who understood the crucial importance of their mission. They were willing to sacrifice their own lives, if necessary, to save the lives of countless billions from the destructive power of The Death Star.


I really liked the blind warrior monk character, Chirrut Îmwe. He wasn't a Jedi, but was a devotee of The Force- which flowed through him as he took out squads of Stormtroopers with his staff. His mantra was: "I am one with The Force and The Force is with me." Interestingly, he and his companion Baze Malbus were identified as "Guardians of the Whills". In the original conceptions of Star Wars, George Lucas envisioned the Skywalker saga as a story told in an ancient book chronicling the events of the galaxy, called "The Journal of the Whills".


Chirrut & Baze were residents of the moon Jedha, which was once an stronghold of the Jedi containing ancient temples and colossal statues. These remnants of The Old Republic are now ruins strewn across the desert landscape since the Empire took over and destroyed the Jedi's legacy there. I loved the visuals of these ruined monuments that hearkened back to a forgotten age. I would love to see movies that eventually explored this location in it's prime, as a site of Jedi power.

Jedha is also a source of Kyber Crystals, which were used in the construction of lightsabers. The Empire is now confiscating all the crystals it can find, for use in the Death Star's main weapon.

In addition to the gritty experiences of the rebel soldiers, "Rogue One" also showed the power struggles and operations of The Empire. The main conflict on this side is between the head of the Death Star project, Director Orson Krennic, and one of the top Imperial officers, Governor Tarkin, who wants to take both control & credit of the Death Star. Only one of these characters is seen in "A New Hope", so one can guess at how this rivalry turns out...

Amazingly, Gov. Tarkin was recreated digitally, since the original actor, Peter Cushing, died. The level of realism achieved by this & one other surprise appearance was an impressive feat of CGI. Star Wars continues to push the envelope of special effects that Industrial Light & Magic started almost 40 years ago.

Another featured character from the original series (that everyone was the most excited about from the previews) was The Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Darth Vader. If I had one complaint about the movie, it would be that they could have given Vader just a *little* more screen time. I say this because the very limited time he did have was absolutely awesome. I'm not going to spoil his scenes, but it was an excellent handling of (in my opinion) the greatest fictional character ever. You got a quick glimpse into Vader's tortured existence, and a clear understanding of his terrifying power.

As a extremely critical, but fervent Star Wars fan, I can say that this was an outstanding and satisfying addition to the saga's canon. There was a lot of focus on war & battles, and I usually enjoy the more mystical aspects of the stories. However, there were so many treats for fans and the film was visually so engaging, that I got totally swept up in the adventures of the Rogue One squad.

I would highly recommend this movie, and if you consider yourself a Star Wars fan, you should see it immediately! I guarantee you will want to re-watch "Episode IV: A New Hope" (or at least the opening sequence) right after it.

Having loved this saga since I was a child, I feel grateful to experience a new age of Star Wars!

The Official Monkey Buddha Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Movie Review: "Batman vs. Superman"

This weekend, I went with both of my brothers to see "Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice".

I went into the movie having read critical reviews that are mostly negative. The biggest complaint seemed to be the amount of material that was crammed into the film. People seemed to think the story was disjointed, and that they tried to tell too many stories in one movie.

As the title reveals, this movie was meant as introduction to the DC comics super-team: The Justice League. After seeing the successes of the Marvel franchise that led to epic multi-movie storylines such as the Avengers, Civil War, and Infinity War, it is clear that DC is rolling out a similar cinematic approach.

Despite the negative reviews, I actually enjoyed "Batman vs. Superman" overall. The actors playing the main heroes (Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman) did a great job bringing their characters to life. As I wrote in my review of "Man of Steel", I liked that movie and Henry Caville's portrayal of Superman. Although she wasn't in it as much as the title characters, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman was a good representation that showed the power of the Amazonian warrior. Ben Affleck's version of Batman surprised me, because I thought it was the best portrayal of The Dark Knight in any movie, so far. "Batman Begins" was okay, but I personally thought the other movies with Christopher Nolan & Christian Bale were crap. All the older ones were pretty hokey.

My biggest complaint about this movie had to be Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. He played Superman's arch-nemesis as a long-haired, neurotic, bizarrely-behaved rich kid who ran his deceased father's tech corporation. Lex Luthor always seemed to me like a bald version of Donald Trump- a more mature, wealthy, conniving, and arrogant businessman.

Although he played a villain that's easy to hate, and he loses his hair at the end of the movie, Eisenberg's version of Luthor stood out as the only thing I really disliked about the film.

I only had a few other minor complaints: Doomsday should've had more spiky protrusions, Lois Lane still bothers me as a redhead instead of her dark hair in the comics, and the way Doomsday was created was sloppy & not as good as the comic book story. I prefer when they stick closely to the comic book representations of characters in these movies.

There were some interesting themes in the movie, like humanity's reaction to an alien presence that has the potential to destroy our civilization. Superman is viewed through the dichotomy of our current political climate, where everything can be seen to have at least 2 opposing perspectives attached to it. Some people view the Kryptonian Kal-El as a powerful savior for humanity, while others see him as a dangerous & existential threat to the world.

The movie combined elements of two stories I read as a kid, "The Dark Knight Returns" and "The Death of Superman". Even though these are very different works of comic fiction, they were somehow merged into Batman v Superman. The end result worked well enough for my entertainment, and I thought it was much better than I anticipated.  Although I knew how it was handled in the comics, I wondered how a fight between Batman & Superman could possible be believable, considering the disparity of power. Of course, there was Kryptonite involved, but their battle was still handled in a way that didn't seem completely far-fetched. Their rivalry doesn't last long, as there are more immediate threats that they have to join together to overcome.

I think the critics have been overly-critical on this one, and found myself really liking this movie. If you like the characters or superhero films, in general, I would definitely recommend "Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice".

• The Monkey Buddha's Official Rating: 8 out of 10

2016 US Presidential Race- Capitalism vs. Socialism

 Photo Illustration by The Daily Beast

I had a dream last night that I was meeting with & advising Bernie Sanders, my personal choice out of the contenders for the 2016 election.

The Monkey Buddha Archives:

Bernie Sanders 2016

Although he hasn't been getting as much air time so far from the corporate-controlled media as Donald Trump, Senator Sanders has an ever-growing tide of online & grassroots support. My dream was probably prompted in part by the story I read last night, about Sanders drawing another crowd of tens of thousands, this time in Massachusetts.

Although he has served about seven years in Congress as an Independent, Sanders is running as a Democrat. Siding with the Democrats wisely prevents him from being a third party candidate- who would draw votes away from any other Democratic nominee & result in a Republican president (which in recent history has usually resulted in disaster).

Although Hillary Clinton has been seen as the likely Democratic candidate, this conventional wisdom was proven wrong last time around. As time passes, it becomes more apparent that Hillary's flaws and lack of conviction on important issues are preventing her from gaining the enthusiastic, widespread support that Sanders is gaining on a daily basis.

After the Democratic debates, more people will be familiar with Bernie Sanders, his voting record, and his proposals. When people become familiar with Bernie, they tend to like what they see & hear. For decades, he has worked tirelessly for the majority of  people of this country.

Sen. Sanders has been constantly fighting for the benefit of the average person while exposing the true "welfare queens" of our society, the Wall Street mega-banks, multinational corporations, and the top 1% of the super-wealthy- who are all siphoning off & hoarding the nation's wealth, so they can have more money than could be used in dozens of lifetimes. Meanwhile, reform & investments in infrastructure, education, health care, and the general welfare of our country are neglected.

Robert Reich: 

There’s a revolt against the ruling class brewing — 

and elites don’t see it coming

I have no idea who could possibly emerge out of the current Republican circus to be their nominee. I think the most interesting matchup in the 2016 Presidential election would clearly be Bernie Sanders & Donald Trump.

The Daily Beast

The Pissed-Off Primary: 

Bernie Sanders Vs. Donald Trump

The reason this would be so interesting is that it would be a clear-cut war of ideologies- Capitalism vs. Socialism. Trump is the epitome of American-style capitalism, in which wealth, power, & ego reign supreme. Sanders, on the other hand, is an open advocate for Democratic Socialism, in which pursuit of profit is not the only goal of a society. Instead, some of the nation's wealth should be pooled together to reach common goals that benefit everyone.

"Socialism" has become a somewhat dirty word in this country, thanks to unrelenting corporate propaganda from Fox News, right-wing radio, and other conservative media outlets. However, Socialism is basically the use of tax money to fund effective government & public programs. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of socialism should stop using public roads, the mail, the service of the police, or any other public service paid for by our tax dollars.

I agree that government can be horribly inefficient, but that means we should work to improve it. It does not mean we should continue to privatize public assets, making already-rich people even more money at the expense of the general population. The problem with the conservative approach to government is that they want to destroy it from within, not improve it. This helps no one, & degrades the state of our country as a whole.

Having Trump & Sanders debate the merits of their respective ideologies would give Americans the clearest choice yet of how we should collectively choose to lead this country into the future. I actually think both systems can co-exist, with different aspects of society using socialist or capitalistic means, depending on which achieves the most effective outcomes.

It would be a hell of a comparison, though, and perhaps it would also be the contrast that people need to properly set our priorities as a nation. I am supporting Bernie all the way, but I think there needs to be a substantial debate from both sides about creating a vision of how to run our society. We'll see if we get this debate in the coming year.

Game Review: Assassin's Creed Black Flag

In recent years, I have spent much of my limited time for playing video games on the 'Assassin's Creed' series.

The Monkey Buddha Archives:

Assassin's Creed

I've elaborated on the overall storyline in my previous posts (linked above), but there is basically a struggle going on between 2 secret societies- the Assassins and the Templars. This struggle is based on both sides' attempts to find powerful ancient relics, from a civilization that existed on Earth before humanity. This "First Civilization" were an advanced race that actually genetically-engineered human beings, but were wiped out after a cosmic cataclysm- specifically, a massive solar flare tens of thousands of years ago. Relics of their advanced technology are scattered around the globe, and the Assassins and Templars have been in a millennia-old race to find these artifacts.

One tool that is being used to find where these artifacts have been used throughout time is called "The Animus". It is a virtual reality simulation, which reads DNA to unlock the genetic memories of one's ancestors. Essentially, in Assassin's Creed you are playing a historical simulation within the simulation of the video game itself. In the game, you can also step outside the Animus into the "modern" day, in which the Templars have established a front company for their activities, called Abstergo Industries. This global corporation has now set up Abstergo Entertainment, a video game company that brings The Animus technology to the masses. In reality, though, it is a subversive way for the Templars to get more people to scan history for the location of the Artifacts from the First Civilization.

I love how the storyline for the Assassin's Creed games works on the different levels. There is plenty of thought-provoking material about ancient mysteries, conspiracies, and puzzles in each title. At their core, though, these games are action & stealth-based historical simulations.

The last installment that I played, Assassin's Creed 3, was set in the Revolutionary War. Though it was a good American history lesson, it wasn't as fun to play as previous AC games. I was hoping that Black Flag, a pirate game set in the Caribbean before AC3, would be more enjoyable.

Thankfully, I wasn't disappointed.  If I were to describe Assassin's Creed: Black Flag in one word, it would be- EPIC.

All the AC games are huge in scope, with expansive maps full of detailed scenery. However, Black Flag might have been my favorite so far. I loved the tropical setting- full of islands, cities like Havana, and even Mayan ruins deep in the jungle. Even though I'm still playing on a PS3, the graphics look great. I always appreciate the meticulous details in the various environments throughout the game.

The most expansive environment is, of course, the ocean. In Black Flag, you get to travel over the sea with a crew aboard your ship, The Jackdaw. As you play the game, you collect sea shanties, different songs for your crew to sing as you sail from place to place. Although you can travel by ship to any location on the map, you can also use "fast travel" options as you unlock different areas. I still found myself sailing to many places, just because it's fun to control the ship & also raid merchant vessels along the way.

By building up your ship's guns & armor, you wage battle on ships from various countries also sailing the seaways. If you can overpower a ship through superior firepower and tactics, you can approach and board it. Depending on the type of vessel you are trying to take over, once you board it you may have to defeat a certain number of enemies, climb up the mast to destroy their flag, or blow up gunpowder stockpiles on the deck. Once this is accomplished, you gain whatever cargo the ship holds & either lower your wanted level or repair The Jackdaw. These battles on the high seas are exciting & really capture the feel of a pirate raid.

In addition to sailing over the water, you can explore the ocean depths in certain areas, using a diving bell. These underwater areas contain shipwrecks full of treasure, and caves with dangerous eels and jellyfish. There are also aggressive sharks patrolling, which you can evade by hiding in clumps of seaweed or the ruins of a sunken ship. The diving sequences were a great addition to the gameplay.

Another unique feature is the ability to get into a rowboat at certain places and hunt sea creatures with a harpoon, such as sharks, whales, and orcas.  These are very intense encounters, especially when you don't have your equipment upgraded.

 
Even when just sailing around, you are bound to see dolphins or whales jumping out of the water. There are also a wide variety of land animals that can be hunted, such as jaguars, deer, crocodiles, and monkeys. Any materials you gain from an animal can be used to craft items for your inventory. There are also domesticated animals that you can't kill, but can pet or feed, like cats, dogs, cows, and chickens. It is a vibrant virtual world that reflects the ecology of the American tropics.

Most of the gameplay should be very familiar to anyone who has played other Assassin's Creed titles. The combat and free-running controls are still very fluid. You can climb almost anywhere- on buildings, trees, walls, and up the sides of ships. I tend to want to run from place to place, but I also try to slow down & walk so I can take in the virtual scenery and people that give an accurate sense of what that time period was like.

Throughout the game, you interact with historical figures from the age of piracy, such as Calico Jack, Anne Bonny, and Blackbeard himself. This adds to the feeling of being immersed in the pirate culture of the time.

Because I play video games so sporadically & leisurely, this game took me months to finish. I completed the main story, but also have tried to finish all the side missions and find all the items located around the map. There are also treasure maps with clues to find booty hidden throughout the many islands. I'm currently at 95% completion, so I've experienced most of what the game has to offer. I can say that it offers quite a lot!

My only complaint would be the abruptness of the story's ending, although the final scene during the credits was good & ties back into AC3. This tendency to end out of nowhere seems to be the case with all AC games... all of a sudden, it's over! I also would've liked more elements about the First Civilization or the Observatory that is discovered during the game.

These minor concerns are insignificant compared to the amazing amount of work, thought, and detail that went into this title. If you enjoyed other Assassin's Creed games, are interested in experiencing history, or just think pirates are cool, you should definitely play Black Flag. As I said in the beginning of this review, it is a truly epic experience.

• Official Monkey Buddha Rating: 9.75

Goodbye, Colbert Report

 Last night, I watched the final episode of "The Colbert Report". It was a great end to one of my all-time favorite shows:

The Colbert Report
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,The Colbert Report on Facebook

I've been watching The Colbert Report since the very first episode. Having already been a fan of the Daily Show, I was was eager to see what kind of humor Stephen Colbert would bring on a nightly basis.

In many ways, Colbert surpassed Jon Stewart & his former gig at the Daily Show. The brilliance of his performance cannot be understated. Night after night, he has exposed the absurdities in our culture, politics, entertainment, & all aspects of our lives.

Even though I didn't get to see actually see him there, one of the most interesting events of my life was "The Rally to Restore Sanity" that he and Stewart organized in Washington DC. The crowd was, by far, the biggest mass of human beings that I've ever encountered. My brother and I went with our friends and had a truly memorable time.

The Monkey Buddha Archives:

Rally to Restore Sanity

Our Lord & Savior, St. Stephen

This is one of the "protest" signs I made for the rally

Stephen Colbert is simply the greatest satirical mind of our generation. His spot-on parody of a self-absorbed, corporate boot-licking, blindly patriotic ignoramus was pure genius. His persona allowed him to openly mock the viewpoints of idiotic, right-wing blowhards who are so wrong about everything in the world- like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly & America's stupidest pundit, Sean Hannity.

What I give both Stewart & Colbert the most credit for is providing sanity through humor, amidst the madness and chaos of the world we live in.

This was especially true during the Dark Ages of the Bush/Cheney presidency. All these conservatives who now think life under Obama is so terrible... they completely forget the constant horror the world faced while Dubya & his Dungeon Master caused havoc in America and around the globe.

In this light, I believe Stephen Colbert's most historic contribution to comedy was his speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner. It was the ultimate example of speaking truth to power, and took giant balls of red, white, & blue steel.  It was especially satisfying for those of us who deeply disagreed with Bush's policies at the time, yet risked being called 'anti-American' or 'terrorist sympathizers' for daring to speak out against the War Monkey and the morons who unquestioningly supported his regressive agenda.

Thank you Stephen Colbert, for providing nightly laughs and comic relief to your Nation for almost a decade.

Game Review: Assassin's Creed 3

 I've recently finished another installment of one of my favorite video game series, Assassin's Creed.

Assassin's Creed III is another virtual trip back in time to another era in history. Unlike the previous 3 Assassin's Creed titles, which took place in the "Old World" mainly in Renaissance Italy & Constantinople, this game is set in the American colonies during the Revolutionary War.

You still are playing as Desmond Miles, a modern day Assassin who can virtually tap into his ancestral memories, using Animus technology that unlocks past experiences from the information in one's DNA. The game is basically a virtual reality simulation, experienced by the virtual character within the video game itself. Virtuality within virtuality...

The enigmatic "First Civilization" still plays a role in the series, as a society of advanced humanoids who were destroyed by a catastrophic eruption of solar energy, many thousands of years ago. Their holographic personalities remain embedded in certain locations, to guide the human race toward preventing another mass extinction event like the one they experienced. There are various technological artifacts they left behind, "Pieces of Eden", which grant the user extraordinary powers. The historical conflict between the Templars & the Assassins is a race to find these powerful devices, in order to use them to further their own agendas.

I think this series should really be called "Time Traveler", because the amount of detail put into recreating the look & feel of each time period is nothing less than astounding. My biggest complaint about the game is that I personally find colonial America to be an incredibly dreary time period. Even though there were many pivotal historical event going on, the architecture, dress, and lifestyles of the day were dull & uninspiring.

Despite my personal lack of enthusiasm for the time period, the Ubisoft team did an extraordinary job of capturing the feel of America's early days. You get to experience first-hand the major events of the Revolution- The Boston Massacre, Paul Revere's ride, Lexington & Concord, and The Boston Tea Party.

There are also many locations recreated with meticulous detail- such as, colonial Boston with the famous Green Dragon Inn where the Revolution was planned, British-occupied New York City, the encampment at Valley Forge, and several British forts. There is also an expansive wilderness with seemingly endless areas of forest, streams, mountainous terrain, and wildlife that can be hunted to use for trade items.

The wilderness is also the location of a Native American village, which is the home to the main character, Connor. His real name is Ratonhnhaké:ton, and is half-European & half-Iroquois. He got the name Connor from the old Assassin, Achilles, who trained him at the Davenport Homestead- which becomes like a home base during the game.

You actually start out playing the game as Connor's father Haytham Kenway, a British Templar. As Haytham, you travel by sailing ship to America, to start the journey that will lead to Conner's birth and eventually reunite father & son later in the game. The way in which the game has you travel to the colonies by ship & makes you feel like you are en route to the new land is a very immersive way to introduce the game.

Besides the main characters, you also interact with some of the famous figures in early American history- including a raunchy Ben Franklin, Paul Revere, Sam Adams, Marquis de Lafayette, and even George Washington, who is shown as the powerfully charismatic (yet flawed) human being he undoubtedly was in real life.

The gameplay is very much in the tradition of the other AC games, with stealth elements, easier free-running (with the ability to travel through the treetops), an array of weapons from the period including the customary Assassin's blade, and improved combat mechanics- which makes taking on large groups of enemies very fluid.

There is also the added element of naval missions, in which you take the wheel of a large sailing ship to steer it and direct cannons at enemy vessels. At first I wasn't too impressed with the naval aspect, but as I played through more of the missions I really got into captaining the ship & sailing into the intense battles at sea.

The main campaign of the game is characteristically expansive. Due the limited amount of time I devote to video games nowadays, it took me a couple months of sporadic playing to complete the main sequences. Unfortunately, instead of feeling a sense of wonder at exploring, as in Renaissance Rome & other locations like in previous episodes, I mostly wanted to just get through this game & finish it- so I could get the hell out of the dismal Colonial experience.

This was probably my least favorite Assassin's Creed so far, for the reasons I stated above, but that doesn't take away from the monumental achievement that the production of this game represents. If you want to get a taste of the events & life in America during the Revolutionary War, there is no better way than Assassin's Creed 3.

• Official Monkey Buddha Rating: 8.0

Game Review: "Assassin's Creed: Revelations"

 This weekend I finished "Assassin's Creed: Revelations," the fourth title in the series.

I usually prefer to play open-world games, where you are free to roam around and engage missions whenever you choose. Since I only play casually, the vast amount of content & area to explore in these games means it takes me months to finish a title. (Recently, my Playstation has been mostly a Batman & Assassin's Creed machine...)

The rich, vivid re-creations of historical cities in all the Assassin's Creed games make the virtual time-traveling well worth it. "Assassin's Creed II", & "Brotherhood", both took place in Renaissance Rome, following the adventures of the Italian assassin Ezio Auditore. "Revelations" takes Ezio to Constantinople, the city in modern-day Turkey that was the center of the Byzantine empire. It was also a Roman & Ottoman capital at different times- a cosmopolitan city where Eastern & Western culture intermingled.


The Eastern influences in the Byzantine architecture, clothing, & decoration in the city are an interesting change from the styles seen in the Italian cities in "AC II" & "Brotherhood". The amazing level of detail in the cities are probably the thing I enjoy the most about these games. They are the closest thing we currently have to experiencing what the world was like back then. The talent & vision of the teams who create these virtual environments is truly impressive. As I've said in other game reviews, I spend alot of time just roaming around & observing the many details in different
parts of the map.

The game play is not much different from the other AC titles. Most of the missions involve stalking targets using stealth tactics, tailing people without being seen, or battling large groups of enemies. It is not repetitive enough to be boring, but there is nothing really novel in the mission objectives. Still, the story & side missions are fun overall.

There's a fair amount of platforming & environmental challenges, but not as many as previous games. The one that stands out was climbing the inside of the famous landmark the Hagia Sophia. I have a slight aversion to heights & platforming segments that simulate high areas always makes my hands sweat a little! By the time I had reached the top of the Hagia Sophia's interior, climbing across ropes & precarious ledges, my heart rate had definitely gone up.

In "Revelations", the story of Ezio is masterfully intertwined with Altaïr, the assassin from the Middle Ages who was featured in the original "Assassin's Creed". The story follows the historical struggle between two secret groups, the Assassins & the Templars. These two factions are trying to control powerful technology, in the form of relics from The First Civilization. This is a race of highly-advanced humanoid beings who existed before mankind. In fact, they originally created humans as a type of slave labor, similar to the myths of the Sumerian Annunaki.

Thousands of years ago, the genetically-engineered humans rebelled against their masters. The resulting war distracted everyone from a cosmic cataclysm, that almost wiped out both races. Afterward, they tried to come together & rebuild, but for various reasons the First Civilization ended up becoming extinct. They left behind remnants of their advanced tech & holographic avatars to guide the hybrid descendants of humans & "Ones Who Came Before". The hope is that, with enough warning, precautions can be taken to prevent another catastrophe from wiping out the planet's inhabitants yet again.

With this story as a backdrop, you are actually playing as Desmond Miles, the modern day descendant of the assassins. He has been accessing his ancestors' "genetic memories," via a virtual reality machine called The Animus. So, when you play as Ezio or Altaïr, you are really playing as Desmond virtually experiencing the lives of his ancestors. He was held captive by the Templar front company Abstergo, but is now back with his fellow Assassins as everyone is searching for technology called "Pieces of Eden".

In this game, Desmond's mind has begun to fragment, from the strain of all his virtual trips into The Animus. To prevent his mind from completely falling apart, his consciousness is stored in some deep part of the computer. It manifests in an area called "Animus Island," where he must go through several 1st-person environmental mazes. These sequences take place in minimalistic, but surrealistic dream-like architecture. Desmond's missions on Animus Island are a side aspect of the game that can be accessed from the menu at any time.

Of course, most of the action follows Ezio as he carries out missions & searches for keys that will allow him to unlock Altaïr's library, where a Piece of Eden has been hidden.

This was a very satisfying conclusion to Ezio's storyline, even if you have to wait until the end to really get some "Wow!" moments. He was a well-developed character, who was alot of fun to play. Following the many events in the lives of both Ezio & Altaïr give you a deep sense of identifying with the historical struggle of these characters to keep their secret order alive, while they were also trying to grow personally.


If you are willing to invest the time, the Assassin's Creed series is a quality production of the highest order. The visuals are stunning, gameplay is engaging, and the storyline makes you think about ideas like virtual reality, the mysteries of genetic information, and the interconnected history & future of humanity.

• Official Monkey Buddha Rating: 8.5

Game Review: Assassin's Creed 2

I'm not even sure where to start when reviewing Assassin's Creed 2, other than, "Holy Crap, that was impressive."

Since I don't spend crazy amounts of time playing video games, I try to only pick titles that I know I'll enjoy after reading reviews & watching previews.  That's why many of the games I've reviewed are 9.0's, because I don't waste my time if I don't think it'll be really good.

Gamespot review:

Assassin's Creed 2

The story behind the Assassin's Creed series actually takes place in the modern day. The main character, Desmond Miles, is a descendant of a line of members of a secret historical faction, the Assassins. Their rival faction, The Templars, have been fighting for control of a mysteriously advanced technology over the course of hundreds of years.

Through experimental technology known as "The Animus", memory imprints can somehow be extracted from a person's genetic makeup. This DNA 'memory' is used to mentally re-create the historical experiences of Desmond's ancestors in a virtual reality experience. The player takes the role of Desmond- accessing his ancestors' memories to learn deeper truths about mankind's forgotten history.


I played the first Assassin's Creed a couple years ago. The original game takes place in the Holy Land during the Crusades, as Desmond's ancestor Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad. I thought the re-creation of these ancient sites such as Jerusalem were awesome. Despite the fact that I like to try completing a game's side missions, though, they started getting very repetitive. Then, the game kept freezing every time I reached a certain point, & I couldn't continue playing. I sure as hell wasn't starting over, so I said 'screw it' & gave up on it.

Even though I didn't plan on playing any other games in the series after that, one of my brothers had Assassin's Creed 2. It is set in Renaissance Italy (which seemed really interesting) & got overwhelmingly positive reviews, so I decided to give it go. I'm extremely glad I did because it is an amazing game, with a superior level of production value that still has me awe-struck.

The sequel continues with Desmond trying to flee a Templar mega-corporation, Abstergo, that has been using him in experiments with The Animus. After he escapes with the help a small band of collaborators who have their own Animus machine, Desmond begins to recall the genetic memories of his Italian ancestor, Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

Being a designer & art history scholar, I found the opportunity to virtually explore cities of Renaissance Italy to be enjoyable in itself. Like most games that are produced with this high level of quality, I often found myself just wandering around the expansive locales- observing the meticulous detail of all the costumes, textures, architecture, and atmospheric effects that most people probably take for granted. As someone who has been playing video games since Pac-Man on the Atari 2600, I find the graphic quality of modern games like this to be spectacular.

I couldn't stop marveling at the impressive feat of reconstructing multiple, highly-detailed whole towns in an historically accurate way. Ezio gets to explore the sights & sounds of urban Florence, the country setting of Tuscany, and the canals of Venice. The crazy final sequence also takes you to Rome. The last scene takes place inside the Sistine Chapel, whose ceiling has not yet been painted by Michelangelo.

In addition to the beautiful graphics, Assassin's Creed 2 incorporates some actual art history into the gameplay. Ezio's family estate, Villa Auditore, is initially in disrepair. Throughout the game, items that you aquire help you improve the villa. One way to do this is to buy paintings by contemporary artists, like Leonardo da Vinci, Sandro Botticelli, & Titian. By the end of the game, you collect a large gallery of virtual paintings that would be any art lover's dream.

Another aspect of the game which I think is really cool is the deeper thread in the story, concerning the search for the mysterious origins of mankind and ancient knowledge, lost to history. This is a theme that was similarly explored in a book I read over the summer, Fingerprints of the Gods, by Graham Hancock.

The search in Assassin's Creed revolves around "Pieces of Eden" which are technological devices from a now-extinct civilization of beings who created humans as slave labor. (It's sort of like the Ancient Astronaut Theory, but these beings were from Earth- just older & more advanced than mankind.) Some humans rebelled against their masters & stole one of the artifacts, The Apple, that controls human neurological functions. Using this power, they recruited other humans to wage war against their creators. However, both groups became so caught up in their conflict that they neglected a cosmic threat that nearly destroyed them all. There were enough humans scurrying around like cockroaches to rebuild with the help of the few survivors from the First Civilization, who were now regarded as gods by their primitive creations.

To uncover details of this mystery, you must find clues left by Altaïr & the mysterious 'Subject 16', whose mind has become trapped in the virtual worlds of The Animus. An awesome aspect of this game is that Leonardo da Vinci appears throughout the game to supply equipment upgrades & also to help in deciphering the Codexes left by Altaïr. There are also mysterious 'glyphs' hidden in certain areas that open very challenging puzzle sequences. These make you feel like a genius when you figure them out. I'm proud to say that I figured out all the puzzles without looking up any answers. I did come really close to cheating on a few of the puzzles, after staring at the screen for a 1/2 hour or more trying to figure them out! Unlocking these scattered clues help piece together the story behind the age-old battle between the Assassins & the Templars for the powerful Pieces of Eden, which has occurred behind the scenes of history's major events.

Unlike the first one, Assassin's Creed 2 never lost my interest or seemed repetitive. I was enthralled by the visuals, the gameplay, and the story... all the way to when the end credits rolled, during which there is still a bit more of the game to play!

The only complaint I'd personally voice would be that the targeting and combat can be annoyingly inaccurate at times, but it doesn't hinder the overall experience. 

The depth of this game is mind-boggling. Elements as diverse as Renaissance art, ancient mysteries, and ponderous philosophical questions are weaved between the open world free-running & the brutal assassination missions in a masterful way.

I'm planning on writing a post about the idiotic argument over whether video games can be considered works of art. This excellent game is 'Exhibit A' in the assertion that video games can actually represent the pinnacle of creative effort & are indeed artistic masterpieces unto themselves.

• The Monkey Buddha's official rating: 9.0

Monkey Knife Fight

I saw this on the Chive:

'All is fair in love & war', so to go along with my previous post about Monkey Marriage, here's a crazy pic of a knife fight between 2 monkeys. They appear to be in the Planet of the Apes equivalent of the Victorian Age:



Of course, this is not related to the decadent superhero-sponsored monkey knife fight.

Sarah Palin vs.Iran

The other day I wrote a caption under the fictional pic of "President" Sarah Palin in which she dreams of nuclear war w/ Iran.

Surprise!- It turns out she's already marching into that battle... inside her head. God is her General, and her only armor is impenetrable ignorance.

"Palin goes Biblical:
Nukes in Iran
could lead to Armageddon"

Like we don't have enough practical problems in society without having to worry about all the lunatics expecting some kind of spiritual holy war.

A Monkey Buddha does not have to worry about such nonsense because it's nonsense.

Emwow: Vince for Eminem's "Recovery"

I consider myself an infomercial connoisseur, having closely studied the fine art of TV salesmanship since watching late-nite Ron Popeil TV ads as a teenager.

It always amazes me that people can be persuaded to order such crap from these ridiculous infomercials, but I still find them endlessly entertaining. My disbelief in the gullibility of TV viewers hit a new peak when the piece of garbage ShamWow, basically a rag, sold millions. The infomercial featured Beavis/Gremlin look-alike Vince Shlomi, aka. Vince Offer.



This obnoxious scumbag achieved another level of fame after he beat the daylights out of a hooker who bit his tongue or something.

I was amused to see that Vince was recently recruited by Eminem to promote his new album Recovery with a parody of the Slap-Chop informercial that Vince had also 'starred' in. I thought it was funny that the encroaching obsolescence of the CD format was highlighted with alternative uses for the plastic disc. This was a great idea for a video promo:

Emwow: Vince for Eminem's Recovery

I've only heard a few tracks off the album like "W.T.P." & "No Love" w/ Lil Wayne, but I've been mostly been listening to "Not Afraid" which is getting the most airplay.

In my opinion, Eminem's greatest track so far was the anti-Bush anthem "Mosh" that came out before the 2004 elections. The song & video were a political masterpiece for that dreadful time. He tried to pull back the curtain on the truth behind the CIA asset Bin Ladin & the facetious nature of the "War on Terror", but it was in vain. We ended up stuck with the War Monkey for 4 more years.

The Monkey Buddha:
"Bush Hatin' Hip-Hop"

Obama's State of the Union

As I said in a previous post, last nite I chilled out with a beer & food to watch President Obama give his State of the Union speech.

Even though alot of his judgment & politics can be called into question, the guy gives a hell of a speech. It was probably the best political speech I've ever heard, and I'm pretty cynical. Unfortunately, this country is so jaded from individual gratification & superhuman expectations that no one person can possibly please everyone as the country's administrative head.

As an Independent who voted for him, my reaction was overwhelmingly positive to his overall approach. I'm not so naive to think he's going to do everything he talked about or can get the troglodytes in the GOP & corporate wing of the Democrats to work with him.

To me a speech like this is about vision and a sense of leadership as much as specific policy promises. That being said, now Obama's got to roll up his sleeves and keep hammering publicly for the ideals and values he spoke about. There were several things I didn't completely agree with & things I know will probably never get done. However, he is an intelligent leader who appears to be doing the best he can in the bureaucratic madhouse he is operating within. In my expert opinion, Obama is The Man.

For people who just don't like Obama for any reason, I would recommend watching some all too recent video of the 8 year debacle that America suffered under- the George W. Bush/Dick Cheney Presidency. If you actually feel nostalgic about those Dark Ages, then you're simply a masochist. The 20-30% of the country that approved of the Bush Administration are mostly CEO millionaires or People of Walmart.




All I ever heard when the War Monkey spoke was:

Terror, War on Terror, Tax Cuts, Terror!!!!!

OOOhhOOhoooooOOOO ooo OOOoooo aaaahaaaah

God I just found this & it is awesome:

Give me Obama over that idiot any day.

Speaking of idiots, after the speech I was flipping through the cable news circus- watching classic Chris Matthews letting his mouth outrace his brain & Arianna Huffington complaining in her barely tolerable accent.

However, all of these gasbags sounded like Rhodes scholars once I switched to Fox News & heard the shrill voice that instantly assaulted my nervous system. That knucklehead Sean Hannity was interviewing reknown fame-hound, (oops I mean pitbull, or do I mean pit-iful bull-shitter?...) Sarah Palin. What a meeting of the minds these 2 dopes produce when they're together.

Palin's Take on Obama's Address

More War- Because We Must!

After watching Obama's speech tonight, I was not inspired by the ideas & general strategy he outlined for the occupation of Afghanistan & security situation in Pakistan. In his defense, it has to be a maddening task to be responsible for trying to plug these countless gaping holes in the ship of state. He can't avoid the realization that the lives & deaths of millions are directly affected.

The US's global military operations are pretty overwhelming & their destructive power is something I would not want to be responsible for. Obama's aggressive tone, especially toward Pakistan, was one of my few concerns during his campaign, so he is being consistent in that respect.

The cynic in me thinks we're over there mostly to feed our addiction to controlling resources - especially fossil fuels & poppies. The idea that we went in there to get terrorists is questionable because the alleged hijackers were mostly from Saudi Arabia & living in other places.

Well, things are what they are... so, now it's up to Obama to solve the problem the War Monkey started.

I think the lunacy of War, inc. is best summed up by these two completely awesome hippie chicks with my favorite anti-war slogan ever:

Hating on Peace

I knew when I heard that President Obama had unexpectedly won the Nobel Peace Prize that people would be very surprised. I also knew that it would absolutely infuriate the usual unreasonably cynical cretins who simply can't stand Barack & his novel ability to speak in complete, coherent sentences.

With my own ears, I heard people questioning "What has he done?!?"... so I knew the legion of short-sighted & self-centered buffoons in the media would be predictably disparaging this amazing honor for America, it's President & it's people.

TPM:
"Right Wingers Pitch Fits
Over Nobel Peace Prize"

"Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! Booooo-f*cking hoooo!!!!"

The idea that Obama hasn't "done enough" to deserve this award is infantile. Barack Obama has literally reversed the entire world's perception of America & it's purpose in the world. Many feeble-minded pundits have been crying that "This is just recognition for not being George Bush!" That is a perfectly good enough reason to get the award!!! We went from having a dry-drunk, half-retarded, belligerent asshole in charge of the world's most powerful military, to someone with the intelligence & eloquence to miraculously reverse the world's seething and justified hatred for the War Monkey and his money & death-worshipping neocon cabal.

The only reason an American should be opposed this honor is if they are a war-profiteering defense contractor or a partisan Republican crybaby. This is a clear win for America.

Of course, there is the fact that this Nobel Peace Prize recipient is waging two inherited wars of extreme logistical & strategic difficulty with continuing civilian casualites. Even I had to ponder the situation deeply to reconcile this paradox. Luckily, I constantly entertain paradoxes in my mind, so it's not that difficult to accept.

The Nobel committee has obviously partially awarded this as a motivation for America to pursue as peaceful and non-destabilizing of an agenda as possible. Also, the depth of vision for a progressive world that Obama has presented on behalf of mentally stable Americans has obviously inspired enough people worldwide to warrant this honor.

Predictably, this recognition, and the adulation that comes with it, will provide fodder for those who believe that Obama is really an agent of manipulative evil- & perhaps the archetypal Anti-Christ himself.

I'll be the first to say that anything is possible- he just might one day sit on a throne in the rebuilt Temple in Jerusalem as the Satanic King of the World.... but I doubt it!

For now, I think Obama is an amazing leader that America & humanity desperately needs at this critical time. I'm proud to have voted for the guy & hope that he can continue his agenda of trying to reverse the massive failings of rule by America's regressive 'right-wing' movement.

"OBAMA!"